The Lizard On My Shoulder | Overcoming my Social Media Addiction

In his fictional book, The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis has a dream where he visits heaven and hell. In the dream, ghosts from hell are permitted to visit heaven. Here is an exerpt from his book.

“I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder… What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. ‘Shut up, I tell you!’ he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then he turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.
Off so soon?’ said a voice.

The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.
‘Yes. I’m off,’ said the Ghost. ‘Thanks for all your hospitality. But it’s no good, you see. I told this little chap’ (here he indicated the lizard) ‘that he’d have to be quiet if he came—which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won’t do here: I realize that. But he won’t stop. I shall just have to go home.’

‘Would you like me to make him quiet?’ said the flaming Spirit—an angel, as I now understood.
‘Of course I would,’ said the Ghost.
‘Then I will kill him,’ said the Angel, taking a step forward.

‘Oh—ah—look out! You’re burning me. Keep away,’ said the Ghost, retreating.
‘Don’t you want him killed?
’‘You didn’t say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with anything so drastic as that.“
’‘It’s the only way,’ said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. ‘Shall I kill it?
’‘Well, that’s a further question. I’m quite open to consider it, but it’s a new point, isn’t it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it because up here—well, it’s so embarrassing.“
’‘May I kill it?
’‘Well, there’s time to discuss that later.’
‘There is no time. May I kill it?’
‘Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please—really—don’t bother. Look! It’s gone to sleep of its own accord. I’m sure it’ll be all right now. Thanks ever so much.
’‘May I kill it?’ 

‘Honestly, I don’t think there’s the slightest necessity for that. I’m sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it.’

“The gradual process”, CS Lewis writes, “is of no use at all.”

In this story, the lizard is used to illustrate an addiction, namely lust. For me, that lizard was a silly social media app on my phone called Instagram.

The journey 

I had been on Instagram for the better part of a decade. I signed up in 2015 with the intention of growing my brand new photography business, and I did. I booked countless clients on the app. I made wonderful connections with other vendors, friends, brands. I kept up with my childhood friends as we moved to different states, got married, and had babies. I loved the challenge of marketing on Instagram, and being creative and sharing my work. It was an incredible tool for my business. 

But I’ve seen social media change over the years. I remember getting Facebook when it was brand new…it was cool and fun. Social media was taking the world by storm and it started off by being just that. Social Media. You chatted with your friends and you posted what you were doing that day. It was immature, but relatively harmless.

In time other apps came along…Instagram, Tik Tok. The way the social media landscape has changed in 10 or 15 years is mind blowing. It is a whole world, a culture in itself.

I was on Instagram as a business. A “content creator”. Instead of just being there to consume content, I was there to create it. I loved that part of it. I always have enjoyed graphic design and marketing. I loved using the app to get eyes on my work, book clients, connect with people. It was really fun.  More and more people are using social media as a tool to drive their business. It works! It worked for me. I was a nerd when it came to social media marketing…I understood it and was good at it. But it takes TIME and EFFORT. More time and effort with each passing year, as user habits and change and people’s attention spans have gotten shorter. To be a successful content creator you have to spend a lot of time on the app. There are massive accounts there that are just people TEACHING other people how to make content that goes viral, and attracts their ideal clients. Social media is a wonderful tool for business, I can attest to that.

What we have to acknowledge that is that the creators of social media make money by us being on the apps. So what is their goal? Keeping users on the apps as much as possible, of course. Addiction. That is the goal.

Although Instagram helped my business immensely over the years, I began to see very unhealthy habits and mindsets creep into my life through it. Consumerism. Envy. Discontentment. Selfishness. A few years ago, I felt a clear push from God that I needed to leave it for good.  But I put off leaving. I liked it too much.  It was a creative outlet some days. An escape from mundane mom life other days. Some days it was connections to other people when I was lonely. Other days it was a marketing challenge. Some days it gave me a sense of accomplishment, that I was good at my job. As selfish as it sounds, I admit that I liked that I could share what I was doing with an audience, and I liked to be affirmed for it. But sadly, most days it was simply a distraction from the things that are really important.

Idols

As believers we often think that many things in the world around us are neutral…neither right nor wrong. There is no command in the Bible about social media, so we have the freedom to use it if we want to right? I think to a point that is correct…but I believe it’s so important to evaluate the things we are doing in our lives, to see the fruit that it is producing.

I held on to social media because of the benefits it brought to my business. At least, that’s what I told myself. But as I found myself increasingly convicted to give it up, and not wanting to, I sat down and honestly took stock of why I was so attached. Deep down, this is what I found. 

I have always placed a high value on being “good” at something. I am competitive, and If i do something I want to be good at it. I was placing a high value on how many followers I had and how “good” I was at my job. I always had “goals” for follower counts that I wanted to reach. Because the more followers I had, the more I felt like I was successful as a business. 

I was highly active on the app (you have to be if you want to be successful there.) So I spent lots of time on my phone. I started being less interested in the world around me and my attention span was shorter. 

My mind was filled with what other people were doing.

When I posted content I was looking for praise, affirmation from others. 

I liked being “known” for what I did. 

I was sometimes envious of the lives of other people in my industry. I was watching successful peers and wanting what they had.

I felt pressure to do more in my business. I sometimes struggled with feeling discontent. 

I was constantly checking the app, I struggled with distraction. I tried to put boundaries around my phone when I was with Evy but I was not always successful. Some of the most heartbreaking words I heard from my toddler was “mom, put down your phone!” 

I was not managing my time wisely. The app was feeding self centeredness, envy, gossip, comparison, and consumerism in my life.

I spent years justifying my behavior because of the benefits of Instagram. I grew a business on the app. I was able to help provide for my family. I was helping other people. I had created a strong community of like minded people that I was connected with, I provided help and education for other photographers. But the fact is, those positives were far outweighed by the negatives. I spent several hours a DAY on this app, both creating content and consuming content. (And before you shake your head at this, there’s a nifty little tool on your phone that shows you how much time you spend on each app. Check yours :))

 I knew God was telling me to give it up because it had an unhealthy hold on me. The fruit it was bearing in my mind was not good fruit. One of the fears I had was that I wouldn’t be able to keep my business going without it. God also showed me through this that I was holding a death grip on my business. I loved it so much, I wasn’t willing to trust God with it. I was scared that He would ask it of me.

Sin destroys

Because I had been putting off what I know God wanted me to do for so long, my relationship with Him was not where it should have been. I had been feeling distant from God for quite some time, and wondering why. One of the ways I saw this was in a bible study I was teaching for teenage girls. I had been doing this bible study for years, but was really struggling with feeling like I had nothing to teach, not inspired, a cloudy mind, no passion for the Lord, etc. I believe that my decision not to deal with my sin was causing a roadblock in my walk with God.

Being frustrated with this, I prayed for God to be near, to show me why my relationship with Him felt distant. I wanted more of Him. And He very, very clearly, showed me what to do. It wasn’t an audible voice, or someone else telling me what to do. It was a clear knowing in my mind, that I had an idol, and that God was telling me to remove it from my life.

The Will of God-Our Sanctification

I don’t believe that social media is wrong for everyone. But I think there are some very clear ways we can see if it is wrong for us personally.

A few days before I finally made the decision to leave Instagram, I was reading in the book of John. Jesus mentions many times that His will was to do the Will of His Father. His whole life was lived under submission to the Will of God. 

We are called to be like Christ, right? So that should be my goal too. 

There is nothing in the Bible about social media. No verse that says “Thou shalt not open an Instagram account” or, “Tik Tok is not the will of God.”

But I do know what the Will of God is NOT. 

Being envious of others is not His will. How they look. What they have. Their lifestyle. In fact, envy is a sin.

Consumerism is not God’s will. 

Self Centeredness is not God’s will. 

Deceit, (creating a false version of your life) is not His Will. In fact, deceit is a sin.

The desire for acclaim from my industry and an ego boost is not His Will.

Wasting time and being distracted from being with my family is not His Will. 

All of these things were fruit of my attachment to Instagram. It is the fruit of social media for many, many people, both creators and consumers, but especially content creators. And all of these things kept me from a thriving relationship with God. 

I believe that God gives us a lot of freedom in life to pursue what we enjoy. But if we are violating His Will by pursuing certain things, those things need go. 

So I decided to leave. It was hard…. I wasn’t sure that my business would continue without a social media presence and felt like I was giving up something that I’ve worked incredibly hard for. But soon after, I felt peace like I haven’t had for years. I felt joyful. Victorious. I had chosen to trust God and I had obeyed Him in what He called me to do. I don’t miss it at all. I feel free. Free of the fear of man, free of the noise, free to let God do what He wants with my business. 

Sacred Spaces

I want to share another reason I decided to leave Social Media, something that I see as dangerous. In the social media culture, everything sacred is now shared with the world, in exchange for money, followers, popularity, and views.

Content creators everywhere have found that content that features your personal life is what gets the best results. This is why lifestyle influencers are so successful. People LOVE to see personal content..your day to day, your home, your interests, your family etc. (I find that a little endearing about humans. We love to just watch other humans :))

Yes I was on Instagram as a photography business. But I am my business. People love to get to know me and honestly many people booked me because I was diligent to share about my personal life..I would share photos and videos of our farm, my motherhood journey, canning and gardening, what I was doing that day, etc. People with like minded interests found me and connected and I created this little community. Personal lifestyle content is what connects your business with followers. They feel close to you, like they know you. And I don’t believe all of that is bad. I have made some dear in person friends through my Instagram connections.

However, more and more the culture of social media has absolutely no boundaries, no sacred spaces, because all of those things garner viral views online. It’s hard to say no to micro fame.

I was not an “influencer” with a large following, but I was a content creator who used my personal life to connect with people. I understand the culture because I dipped my toes in it. I believe there is something deeply unhealthy about allowing thousands of strangers into the sacred spaces of your life and home. When I was immersed in it, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Now that I’m gone, I see the negatives with more clarity. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up with a phone in her face constantly. I didn’t want her to think that taking photos and videos of her life and then posting them was normal. I wanted her to grow up in a sacred space without thousands of onlookers watching.

I also believe content creators do not realize how their social media presence is dictating every choice they are making in their everyday lives. (Did you paint your home that color because it matches your brand? Did you dress your child in those outfits for a great photo you can post later? Are you going on vacation for content? How many things do you choose to do in your every day life because they’ll help your online presence? ) Social media has too much influence on influencers. It has become a god, directing people’s every move. The influencers are being influenced.

Victory 

Giving up social media has been an incredible victory and I have absolutely no regrets, not one. Also, I noticed changes in my life almost immediately.

Soon after this decision I noticed a marked change in my mental and spiritual clarity. I have more space in my mind…space to create. More contentment. Less noise. I feel less pressure to keep up with others in the industry. I feel more at peace with my life. I don’t miss social media culture at all. 

God has been so faithful to bring me to this point, my relationship with Him has grown, I am in awe the kindness of God and how He works. I have truly given up my business to the Lord. If He chooses to bless it without my social media marketing, I will happily accept it. If He chooses to take me down a different path, I will do that too. I trust His kindness and His character, that He wouldn’t take me down a road that isn’t His best.  

Through this process I have truly come to see several things clearly; things that I knew in my head before, but I have personally experienced since. 

1. Kindness is God’s character. When He asks something of us, it is because He has only our GOOD in mind! He doesn’t give us commands simply to whack us over the head when we mess up, or because He is some strict parent in the sky. He has given us boundaries for our good, and in following them we have the most joy, freedom, and untainted communion with Him. Also, His conviction is firm but gentle. God has been so kind in leading me to victory. 

2. Allowing sin in your life blocks communion with God. For the years that I said no to God’s conviction over this part of my life, I had felt a block in my relationship with Him. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I believe that my lack of obedience kept me from having the closeness with God that I had in the past. After I obeyed, I had more thirst for the Word of God, and God revealed things to me more clearly. I had so much more peace, more spiritual discernment, and close communion with God. The week after I was studying for the bible study I teach, and God revealed some things clearly to me…and that evening was one of sweetest times I’ve had with those girls. My mental/spiritual mind block was completely gone. It was a drastic change, one that I won’t forget. 

3. My words won’t hold any weight if I am not dealing with the sin in my own life. It’s the example of the father telling his son “don’t ever smoke cigarettes,” while smoking one himself. To the son, his words have no meaning. Steve and I have often said we don’t ant our children to have social media while they are under our roof. It is too toxic. How can I tell my daughter “social media is unhealthy” while on the apps myself?  How can I teach teenage girls in my bible study about how to have victory in their lives if I don’t have it in my own? “Do as I say not as I do” doesn’t work. 

In closing I want to say two things:

First of all, I do not believe that having social media is wrong, or that everyone who has an account is enslaved to it. I believe social media can be used for good, and some content creators have been faithful to use it to honor that Lord. I also have seen that some accounts with large followings can be helpful, encouraging, pointing people to God.

If you are feeling condemned by what I shared please know that is not my intention at all. I am not here to judge you and your choices, but to share mine, and what God has done in my life.

However, I’m not going to shy away from the truth. Because of the nature of social media and how it was created to addict users, it is exhausting and difficult to stay faithful to boundaries. To not let it become unhealthy. And I believe that many are downplaying the influence that it has on them, as I did for years. 

Secondly: before you accuse me of being misleading, my account is still on Instagram. As I still have my photography business, I decided to leave my business account up so clients and other vendors know that I exist. I have a social media manager update it occasionally. I am not on the app personally in any capacity. 

I have been faithful to call my addiction what it was, and to share with you the way that God has given me grace to overcome it. I encourage you to evaluate your own life and see if there is something you are holding on to that God wants you to surrender. He is Worthy!!

xoxo!

Jess

Artwork by Sun and Shield Studio, Photo by Liz Cook